What Time is It?

I stopped keeping track of the time difference between the east and west coast.

It’s been slightly over a year since my move from the west coast to the east coast and everyday I found myself looking at the clock on my laptop and deducting three hours from the current time. It was second nature – perhaps a way for me to cling on to the last bit of home I had left.

It wasn’t until a few days ago I realized that I no longer retained this habit. It had slowly began to fade from my mind and I didn’t even notice it. I could not tell you the point at which my thoughts began to change towards EST but I will confess my disappointment. It was saddening to realizing that I had stopped thinking about California time, perhaps in hopes that someday I would return soon.

To return to those amazing golden hills, a beautiful sun that seemed to know just how much light and heat to bestow her residents, and the ocean lining and wrapping itself around the state.

However it seems that even my own desires to see home again have slowly began to fail and dry up. It’s as if keeping track of California time was the last hold I had of the place I grew to love and cherish, and sometimes took for granted.

Now my grip is gone. I feel as is my heart knew this would happen months before my mind could understand it. Now I realize that I could grasp neither.

Every now and then I know I will see 12:52am and think 9:52pm, especially now that I’ve realized what has happened. Yet, it seems as if time will play its part once again and before I know it I will lose my grip yet again and only God knows if I’ll even notice the absence a second time.

My fear and disappointment is not whether I will forget and stop keeping track of time in California, but whether I’ll even notice it when it happens again.

Father,
Grant me a peace that surpasses all understanding and give me a place here in the east coast that I can someday all home. For home is where the heart lies and right now my heart is lying whenever I see a time and think of California.

I know I am here for the long haul. Let me never lose hope but to place my hope in You. Mend my heart and forgive me for the times I have doubted Your plans for me.

Amen